Saturday, April 3, 2010

Random Rant Saturday

So, I know this will blow over, but, I'm just REALLY tired of feeling like I'm the only person who does a freakin thing in this house! I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I get the kids off to school, I'm a taxi, I do the shopping, and it is all wearing me a bit thin! The kids help me more than Sam does. For the past 3 or 4 days, Sam has spent more time in bed, than he has awake. I know that he has PTSD, DVT, and TBI. I know that while you are doing therapy for TBI, you can be very mentally drained and just want to sleep more, but, and it is a very big but, I don't see why he would need to sleep for about 16 hours in one day, when he's not had therapy for more than 3 days! He's been saying since Thursday that he was going to mow the lawn. It is now 6:40 and he is in bed again. The lawn is still now mowed. I'm more than likely going to have to mow it tomorrow because it's getting too long, and I don't want to have the lawn mower die every 4 steps because there's too much junk stuck in there! Yesterday I cleaned the entire kitchen, did some laundry, took Monkey to get new shoes, did some grocery shopping, made pizza from scratch, cleaned the kitchen again, put dinner away, folded laundry, and Sam finally got out of bed around 7 or so. Last night, Sam was making comments to the dogs like "oh, mommy starves you!" and "You poor thing, I know you must be hungry!", so I told him to go feed the dogs then. He actually says to me "It's your turn, I did it this morning." SERIOUSLY?! Well, it's your turn to clean the kitchen, your turn to do the dishes and put them away, your turn to do laundry, fold it, and make sure it gets put up, your turn to vacuum, your turn to trim the hedges and trees, it's your turn to get the kids up, feed them breakfast, and get them to school on time! I seriously want to SCREAM at him!I just feel like I have SO much to do, and not enough time to do it. Every time I get one section of the house cleaned, they ALL destroy another section. I'm not just talking about the kids either. I'm talking about Sam as well. Sam brings home all this CRAP from all over the place and sets it on the table. I get dinner done, and want the table cleaned off, it goes to the bar. I want to clean the bar off and Sam yells at me because he hasn't read a newspaper he got in the mail 2 weeks ago and I want to throw it away. I forgot to remind Sam to take out the trash to the curb and the recycling, so, we have 2 weeks of recycling in the kitchen now, and probably 2 weeks of trash in the bin. We don't generate alot of trash these days, but the recycling REALLY needed to go out this week. When I said "Oh, we forgot to take the recycling out last night" he blew up saying that it could wait another week and that there was nothing he could do about it now anyways.
All I want is to get a little help around here. The kids clean their rooms, and their bathroom, and will help me with the dishes when I ask. But I ask my husband, and it's like I'm asking him to undergo surgery with no pain meds for him to give me his kidney or liver! Seriously, it should not be this hard! I know that I stay home and I shouldn't complain as much as I do, but I work hard to try to keep the house clean and the yard presentable, and it's not too much to ask to help out with a few things here and there.
I seriously sometimes feel like I'm alone in this marriage. I love my husband more than just about anything in the world, but, I can feel the tension rising every day. I can feel this mountain on my back. I can feel that I'm almost at a breaking point and nothing that I do or say to him will come out like I'm just asking him to help. He thinks that I'm bitching at him, or that I just want to yell at him, or start a fight. He thinks that I just don't understand anything about TBI or PTSD or DVT. That's not true. I do understand. I just don't think that 16 hours of sleep in a day has ANYTHING to do with any of those issues. He tells me that he has trouble sleeping at night and that's the reason that he sleeps so much during the day. Well, if you didn't sleep so much during the day, you might be tired enough to sleep at night! But if I say that, I'm being a bitch. I just don't know what to do any more!

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