Not so fun Monday...

So, I'm not doing a giveaway today guys... I'm not in the giving mood this morning. :-/

Today, I'm going to ask you guys for advice. (Yeah, all 19 of you followers....) It's going to be a doozie as well.. sorry for the long post. :-/

So, since I "work" from home, Sam thinks that I do nothing, especially since I'm not making a ton of money right now. He thinks that because I'm not making money, that it's implied that I'm not working, so, therefore, I'm sitting around the house doing nothing all day, and that I should have to cook, clean the house, and basically do everything that doesn't involve taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, or general outside duties. Which, normally is okay.... sorta. Anybody that has known me longer than a few days knows that I HATE (read: abhor, loathe, would rather stab myself in the eye with a spork) doing dishes. I will do all the laundry, scrub the floors, clean the toilets, just about ANYTHING other than do the dishes! Since I cook, I don't think it would be too much to ask if the husband does the dishes.

Apparently, Sam thinks that I don't even do all the house work either, and that MAGICALLY the house is clean. This past week (I think it was either Wednesday or Thursday) I cleaned the entire kitchen. I wiped down all the counters, used the disinfecting solution, wiped down all the cabinets, did all the dishes, cleaned the dogs bowls, cleaned out the recycling bin, moved everything out of the kitchen and scrubbed the floor on my hands and knees with a double sided sponge. I REALLY cleaned the kitchen. By Sunday, we had no clean silverware, only a couple of dishes left (which is a pretty good feat considering we have THREE sets of dishes), and a few pots and pans. So, when we got home from church, I asked what everyone wanted for lunch and Sams idea was Egg Salad. I had no problem making egg salad, one big thing tho, we had no bread. When I asked Sam to go get bread he said "With what? We are broke until Wednesday!" I told him to dig out some change and just go get a loaf of bread. He started throwing a fit and I was very quickly losing what little bit of patients I have left. I can't tell you how many times I have asked him for help with the dishes. COUNTLESS times! It's the ONE chore that I hate! I would rather eat a giant pork chop with a side of ham than do dishes! (FYI I hate pork almost as much as dishes) So, when I said to him "Sam, I don't know how many times I've asked you to help me with the dishes! I just cleaned the entire kitchen, and look! We have NO silverware!" to which he responds "ONCE! You've cleaned it once!" O.O! Really?! That was the icing on the cake. I couldn't take it any more. I completely lost it.

I guess half assed doing the laundry (read: putting a load thru the washer and dryer and only folding HIS clothes), feeding the dogs half the time, half assed mowing the lawn (half of our back yard never got mowed before frosting over), half assed trimming the hedges (he trimmed them {again half assed} this spring), and asking Monkey to take out the trash, and sometimes loading the dishwasher half assed (read: I usually have to run at least part of the dishes again, or there are giant gaps or he's loaded it completely wrong and I have to reload it) means that he's entitled to sleep in on Saturdays until 1 or 2 in the afternoon, and then possibly a nap by 7. It also entitles him to not having to help any more than that. Apparently it also means that he does all of the housework, and that all I ever do is sit around and play on the internet, watch TV, and crochet!

Apparently he, in all of his infinite glory, can do all of that and then some! Not only can he magically wave a wand and the house is clean, but he can run my business better than I can, regardless of the fact that he is completely oblivious as to what it is that I do and of any of the products that I sell. Not only that, but he can do his Marine Corps job, be a better parent, AND cook better than I can! Basically, I'm just a turd ball that sits around and can't do anything and all I do is take up space. He may not have said all of these things, but he sure has implied them, and has made me feel like general crap. Someone once told me "nobody can make you feel any thing" which is true, but, with all of the emotional issues I've been having lately, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that I'm a bit fragile right now.

So, I'm asking you, my readers... do you think I over-reacted? Do you think it's too much to ask for some assistance on the ONE chore that I loathe more than anything? Tell me what you think!

Bugs tooth!!

So, Bug had a couple of her adult teeth come in behind her teeth on the bottom because she absolutely refuses to wiggle, or try to pull her teeth at all. When we were at the Dentist a few weeks ago, they told her that she needed to pull them out and that if she hadn't pulled them by the next time she came in that they were going to have to pull them out for her. This sort of scared her a bit. It just so happened that she had Poison Ivy at that time and they weren't able to do her cleaning. So, we went back on Wednesday for her cleaning and she was SO worried that they were going to pull her teeth! I told her that they weren't going to pull them and that they would give her a little more time. She was still a bit worried though. Well yesterday Sam picked the kids up from school because I had a little more running around to do, and when I got home she runs up to me with a little baggy and says "Mom! I pulled my tooth at school today!" We then had dinner while we watched The Tooth Fairy with Dwayne Johnson in it. It was a really cute movie! Then the Tooth Fairy gave her $2 for her tooth and she was very happy that he didn't just leave $1 like in the movie!

Yesterday was an okay day. I went to Sams therapist with him. He gave us some good ideas for communicating better and whatnot. We, of course, started talking while we were in bed, and I told him that I didn't completely trust him yet. I KNOW that he's not going to do anything, but, to have been treated the same way that I was in just about every previous relationship really has me flummoxed. I never thought that my wonderful husband would be capable of anything like that. He has such strong ethics and values, which is one of the things that I love so much about him, and to just blatantly disregard them is just mind boggling! He ended up pretty upset because I can't completely trust him right now. I told him that it would take some time and effort on his part to regain that trust. He completely disagreed. He thinks trust is something that I have to work towards on my own, like forgiveness. I told him that wasn't the case. He was the one that did the damage, and he needed to make efforts to repair it. I guess maybe I should have asked him if I set a wooden bridge on fire, but put it out voluntarily, if I should expect it to repair itself. Sam ended up sleeping on the couch last night because he was upset. We didn't fight, or argue, he was just upset that I told him that I couldn't trust him completely yet.

Today, I'm watching my friend Keonas' lil boy! He's such a little cutie!! Every time he sees me he gets all excited and squishes up his little face. Keona is going to her little girls class tea party. Who was I to come in between a mother-daughter tea party?! Besides, I really like watching lil man. It gives me enough "baby time" to not want another one, which is something I'm sure my mother is thankful for!  I've started to think that I'm just getting to "old" to have more kids. Monkey is 11, and Bug is almost 7. They're both in school all day, can feed themselves, no bottles or dirty diapers to deal with. I don't think I want to start all over again! I'll be 30 in just over a month. I really didn't want kids in the first place, but I'm glad that I do have them and I'm glad that I had them young. I don't know how my Dad stayed sane when he found out Mom was having me. He was getting ready to turn 50 when I was born! Sheesh!

Today is also Military Spouse Appreciation Day! I can still claim this title for that time being. If you are a Military Spouse I want to thank you for "standing by your man (or woman)", and if you know one, make sure they know that you appreciate them today.

Random Rant Saturday

So, I know this will blow over, but, I'm just REALLY tired of feeling like I'm the only person who does a freakin thing in this house! I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I get the kids off to school, I'm a taxi, I do the shopping, and it is all wearing me a bit thin! The kids help me more than Sam does. For the past 3 or 4 days, Sam has spent more time in bed, than he has awake. I know that he has PTSD, DVT, and TBI. I know that while you are doing therapy for TBI, you can be very mentally drained and just want to sleep more, but, and it is a very big but, I don't see why he would need to sleep for about 16 hours in one day, when he's not had therapy for more than 3 days! He's been saying since Thursday that he was going to mow the lawn. It is now 6:40 and he is in bed again. The lawn is still now mowed. I'm more than likely going to have to mow it tomorrow because it's getting too long, and I don't want to have the lawn mower die every 4 steps because there's too much junk stuck in there! Yesterday I cleaned the entire kitchen, did some laundry, took Monkey to get new shoes, did some grocery shopping, made pizza from scratch, cleaned the kitchen again, put dinner away, folded laundry, and Sam finally got out of bed around 7 or so. Last night, Sam was making comments to the dogs like "oh, mommy starves you!" and "You poor thing, I know you must be hungry!", so I told him to go feed the dogs then. He actually says to me "It's your turn, I did it this morning." SERIOUSLY?! Well, it's your turn to clean the kitchen, your turn to do the dishes and put them away, your turn to do laundry, fold it, and make sure it gets put up, your turn to vacuum, your turn to trim the hedges and trees, it's your turn to get the kids up, feed them breakfast, and get them to school on time! I seriously want to SCREAM at him!I just feel like I have SO much to do, and not enough time to do it. Every time I get one section of the house cleaned, they ALL destroy another section. I'm not just talking about the kids either. I'm talking about Sam as well. Sam brings home all this CRAP from all over the place and sets it on the table. I get dinner done, and want the table cleaned off, it goes to the bar. I want to clean the bar off and Sam yells at me because he hasn't read a newspaper he got in the mail 2 weeks ago and I want to throw it away. I forgot to remind Sam to take out the trash to the curb and the recycling, so, we have 2 weeks of recycling in the kitchen now, and probably 2 weeks of trash in the bin. We don't generate alot of trash these days, but the recycling REALLY needed to go out this week. When I said "Oh, we forgot to take the recycling out last night" he blew up saying that it could wait another week and that there was nothing he could do about it now anyways.
All I want is to get a little help around here. The kids clean their rooms, and their bathroom, and will help me with the dishes when I ask. But I ask my husband, and it's like I'm asking him to undergo surgery with no pain meds for him to give me his kidney or liver! Seriously, it should not be this hard! I know that I stay home and I shouldn't complain as much as I do, but I work hard to try to keep the house clean and the yard presentable, and it's not too much to ask to help out with a few things here and there.
I seriously sometimes feel like I'm alone in this marriage. I love my husband more than just about anything in the world, but, I can feel the tension rising every day. I can feel this mountain on my back. I can feel that I'm almost at a breaking point and nothing that I do or say to him will come out like I'm just asking him to help. He thinks that I'm bitching at him, or that I just want to yell at him, or start a fight. He thinks that I just don't understand anything about TBI or PTSD or DVT. That's not true. I do understand. I just don't think that 16 hours of sleep in a day has ANYTHING to do with any of those issues. He tells me that he has trouble sleeping at night and that's the reason that he sleeps so much during the day. Well, if you didn't sleep so much during the day, you might be tired enough to sleep at night! But if I say that, I'm being a bitch. I just don't know what to do any more!

Roller Coaster of Love

Well, Sam and I had it out last week. It ended up with me staying at J's house with the kids and him eventually going back to the barracks so the kids and I could go back to at least some sort of normalcy.

In a way, I'm sort of glad this has happened. In a way! It gives us fresh eyes into what has really been going on in our marriage while we are so busy with kids, school, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, work, doctors appointments, and just life in general! We weren't making time for each other, we were letting life come between us and it almost ripped us apart! He has been staying here for the last couple days and things have been pretty good. We have been in one, for lack of better word, argument. We talked it out, went back to bed, and I even let him sleep in the net day because I kept him up way too late!

We are going to be going to a marriage counselor to try and work things out and become a stronger couple, not only for ourselves, but, for our kids (yes, even tho they are only mine biologically, they're his too), and for our future. We are both committed to this relationship, and neither of us took off our rings. I did say that I wanted a divorce, but at the time, I was very angry. Neither of us feel like that now, and are on the way back to a happier life.