Stress-- It's A Killer!

So, last month we sort of went over our budget by a lot a smidge.  And so September is going to be a bit tight for us. We will be able to make it, but, the first half of September is going to be really really tight! I hate hate HATE being low on funds. I don't like how it seems to fuel Sam and I getting into arguments. I don't like it when something comes up and we have to try and move things around so we can make things work. I don't like thinking that I'm going to miss on something really big. I don't like living paycheck to paycheck. It's terrible!

I know I shouldn't complain because we have a lot. I guess that's why we're in the mess we're in. Bad choices made in the past. I got so comfortable when I was younger always having this or that or the other. Always being able to say "Hey Mom! Can I have $5 for gas?" and three days later ask for more. Now, mind you, $5 in gas back then was like half a tank or more! *I have come to terms with the fact that I am now considered an Antique* I got used to driving new cars. I got used to always having my Momma there to bail me out when things got rough. (And by rough, I mean I spent my money on other things that I more than likely should have never bought in the first place.) In the past few years, I've done a lot of growing up. Things most people learned when they were much younger, like, how to manage your money while living on your own, I never learned. I went straight from living with my Mom, to being married. From there, you would think that I would spread my wings and learn to fly. Well, I did, kinda sorta. I learned that living away from my family isn't all that fun. I learned that having a car with no heat in Colorado just doesn't work that well. I also learned that being married to a man you really don't like doesn't make for a very successful relationship. Don't get me wrong. I loved my ex-husband, but, I think the parts of him that I loved the most were my 18 year old imagination making him into more than he really was. I can honestly say that the only thing I learned about life while married to my ex was how to stand up for myself in a fight, not back down, and that I shouldn't let people get too close to my heart. Momma was there to help me pick up the pieces. She's a great Mom. She's more of a Mom than I probably deserve.

When I moved to North Carolina, I was full of hopes and dreams that I could start over, get a fresh new life and prove to everyone that I wasn't the person that I was before. I wasn't the 26 year old little girl that my whole family knew. I can take care of myself! I'm an ADULT! Yeah. It turns out that I really was a 26 year old little girl, just like my family told me I was. But, I have learned SO MUCH from being down here. I've learned to take care of my bills first, because they really do come back to haunt you if you don't take care of them. (Even if that means eating ramen and PB sandwiches for 2 weeks.) I've learned that I am strong enough to do things on my own. (Thanks for always telling me that Momma!) And just recently, I learned, just because I want something, doesn't mean I need it. (I really don't like that one!)

I'm still learning to manage money better. Sam and I are still learning life lessons together. But what really matters is that we are a family. We're learning this together. We try to teach the kids about money, that way they don't have to take the hard road like I did. I thought the world OWED me all the nice things that my mom provided for me. I mean, I shouldn't have to work for them because I'd had them my whole life, why should it stop just because I moved out of my Mommas house?! How DARE the world not give me what I want. Yeah, I was pretty selfish. Now, when we go to WalMart or the commissary, or anywhere else really, instead of saying "Oh Mom! I want THIS!" and then begging for it until I get mad and throw it in the cart just to shut them up, they comment on things. They will say "Oh wow! Wouldn't that be nice to have?" I'll admit, they still have their weak moments where they see something that they REALLY want and will beg, but after I tell them no a time or two, they usually drop it.

As I said in one of my previous posts, I'm now an Independent Beachbody Coach. When I started this I was so gung-ho! I thought EVERYONE should be using these products and I had no qualms about telling you why and what you should be doing and where you could go to get them, to my website, of course! I still think everyone should use these products, but I'm not quite as in your face about it as I used to be. It's finally starting to pay off. I've got 2 people that are signing up to be coaches with me, and one of those already has a coach prospect! It makes me really happy that I can share the nutritional value of Shakeology, that I can tell someone about which exercise program I would suggest for them, that I can help others lose weight and be in better shape! I still have that passion about it like I did when I first started, because I know that it works. I've seen it working in me! But, I can't make everyone motivated like me. Some day they will see what wonders it's done for me, and they will want what I have, but I can't force it down their throats.

I know I've done a random, ranting post about seemingly nothing, but, it helps me to get things off my chest. That's the ultimate goal of a blog, isn't it? One of these days, I'll be able to have a blog about how great life is, about how I can devote time to sewing, and crafting, and be able to go buy Sam and the kids gifts at random times "just because." That day isn't today tho. Today, I'm cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and making the kids clean their rooms as well. I think tomorrow I'm going to sit down and make a list of things that need done on a daily basis and start a "checklist" that I can print out and hang up so I can just check things off as I do them. Some day, I'll be able to tell you guys how great life is, but right now, life is just life. A little bit stressful, a little bit not, a little bit fun, and a lot of love!

Until next time, dear reader(s), I'm going to try and see what I can do about cheaply filling my fridge on the 1st!