To one of the nicest persons I've ever known.

I want to tell you about a person that I was glad to call friend. Lindsay Hill.

The school I went to was one of those old town schools, where everybody knew everybody, and people rarely moved. I went to the same school from Kindergarten until I graduated. Sometimes that was hard. I BEGGED my mom to let me go to a different school on many occasions. When I finally had the opportunity to, I begged to be able to finish with all of my friends.

Lindsay was one of those people that everybody loved. You couldn't help but like her. She was smart, friendly,  athletic, and always had a smile on her face. Her family owned a farm in the area, much like about a forth of our school. She was active in the FFA , played basketball, and was even in the flag corps!

I was not in the popular crowd like Lindsay. She, unlike myself, was loved by everyone, students and teachers alike. It just seemed like whenever you would talk to her, it didn't matter who you were or what your social status was, she was a friend. She was like that with everybody.

I share many fantastic memories with Lindsay. Yesterday is a memory that I wish I didn't have to share with anyone ever again.

I posted on her facebook wall that she would be proud of me because, while it wasn't anything big, we had started a family garden. Then, another friend from our graduating class sent me a msg telling me that Lindsay had been killed in a 2 car accident that morning. I was floored. I didn't know what to say. How could this be? WHY! She was 31 years old, she still had her whole life ahead of her, why would God take such a wonderful person away from us? She was such a light in the darkness! I spent the rest of the evening in and out of crying. Sam got me to go out and work in the garden, said that it would help me get my mind off of the whole thing. I decided right there that I was going to dedicate our little plot of "farm" to her and Sams daughter.

Our little plot of Earth will now forever be called The Ivy Hill. There is no Ivy (yet) and the only hills are for pumpkins and watermelons. I would like to get some decorative stones or something to engrave with their names and dates and maybe a little plaque or something.

I lay in bed last night wondering why God would take such a wonderful person, and of course, my human nature kicked in and I got angry. I blamed the other driver, who walked away from that accident virtually unharmed. I wanted him to be some terrible person so it would be easy to blame him for snuffing out this beautiful candle. "Please be some punk kid" I found myself thinking. I looked him up on facebook this morning and he seems to be a nice person. He has the Rosewood Methodist Church website up as his website, and all of his public info is about churches. I just can't bring myself to hate him. It's not what Lindsay would do either. I'm sure he is hurting right now as well. Not only because he was in an accident, not just physical pain.

I sent a msg to her husband, tho they are separated. I'm sure he is going thru a lot right now as well. I send my prayers to the entire family, and to the family of the other driver. I'm sure that they are dealing with things as well.

Rest in peace dear friend. You will never be forgotten.

Lindsay Nicole Hill

10/25/79 - 5/19/11

I hate the cold!! and other news

So, just so we're clear here, I grew up in Ohio. It's cold in Ohio. We like to joke that there are 4 seasons in Ohio; cold, winter, construction, and almost warm. That being said. I DO NOT LIKE BEING COLD!

When I moved to North Carolina I got on the plane in Cincinnati, Ohio and it was 32 degrees. I had my "Eskimo" coat, my cat, and my Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide as carry ons. I made a stop in Atlanta I think it was, and then boarded a small plane to fly to Wilmington, NC. When I stepped off the plane in Wilmington, North Carolina, it was 72! I was in HEAVEN! That was almost exactly 4 years ago today! Sheesh! I wish it were like that today! No sir! It's was a beautiful 48 degrees this morning! FORTY-EIGHT! NO! This can't be right! when I first got here I was walking on the beach with no shoes and a tank top on! How can this be?! *sigh*

Yes, I realize that 4 years ago my body was used to always being cold most of the time. I realize that if I went to Ohio right now that I would turn into a Popsicle and die because right now in Ohio it is 36 and it is 45 here... wait... it got colder?!?! *sobbing* I'm not liking the fact that I'm wearing my fleece Eeyore pajama bottoms and fuzzy Halloween socks to try and stay warm. I DO like the fact that I just made myself a pipping hot mug of spiced apple cider! YUM!

I always feel bad for Doc and Dusty this time of year as well. Greyhounds don't like the cold either. They don't have a lot of hair to protect them from the cold. They don't like a lot of heat either because they can get heat exhaustion so easily. Basically, they need to retire to Northern Florida with the rest of the old people. I'm kidding! My friend Keonas husband Bob makes fun of us all the time because we put clothing on our dogs. Just Doc and Dusty tho. Lilly does have a shirt, but that was because when she first got here she had no hair, and we didn't have any trees in the back yard so we were worried about her getting a sunburn.

In other news!! I've decided that I'm going to link up with Giveawayscout! It's a place where you can find different giveaways! They had contacted me some time ago about linking up with them, but I just hadn't yet! I guess I should just start trying to find more places for giveaways, eh? :-)

What kinds of things would you guys like to see for giveaways??

My reasons...

Today started out like any 'ol Monday. I woke up, read my (almost 200) blogs for the morning while Monkey was in the shower and eating breakfast, walked to the bus stop, make Sams lunch, woke Buggy up, had breakfast, walked to the bus stop again, came home, tweeted a bit, went to my Monday afternoon meeting with Beachbody... you know, normal stuff!

Then I started talking to a guy from my past. Not a bad guy, just a guy. One of my very best friends cousins. It just so happens that I once dated this guy for a brief amount of time. But, this is normal in a small town like I grew up in. Everybody knows everybody. So, we started talking, and we're talking about just old times and it got me thinking about my "first love" Gregg. I'd been enamored with this guy since the moment I laid eyes on him. He went to my best friends school. But I seen him at a dance (Yeah, I went to their dances because I didn't like my own school.) and I INSTANTLY had to know who he was. Now, being the ugly duckling that I was, I hadn't blossomed into a swan yet. I was too shy to even talk to him. So, I did what every young girl does when she has a crush on a guy but is too shy to tell him. I stalked him. LOL My best friends school was much larger than my own, it was the county seat and all, so, anything "super cool and exciting" happened at her school. She was part of the drama dept. I thought that was the coolest thing since sliced bread, so I tagged along. And wouldn't you know it, HE was there!! So.... being the stalker self that I was, I send him TWELVE DOZEN red carnations for opening night of their play. Every single one of them said "From: Your Secret Admirer" (Aw! How stalkerish!)
The next night was the cast party. Now, I never went to this school, but, usually where you found my best friend, you found me, and vice versa. So, we're at this cast party, and a bunch of us decide that it's time to go outside and smoke (Don't judge... I was young and stupid. At least I lost the young part! ;-P) and Gregg was out there as well. Since basically it was me, Amy, and Gregg standing outside in the ally being the bad teenagers that we were, she decided to tell him that *I* was the person that sent him all the SA flowers. Booooy was I ever mad at her, at least for a split second. Gregg said thank you and kissed my cheek. I don't think I washed my cheek for a week!
Gregg and I always had a back and forth type of relationship. He walked, I followed. It didn't matter that he was dating someone, I loved him anyways. I would go on "class trips" with their drama dept. I went with them to see a play. I can't remember which play, but I remember going. I remember sitting with Gregg on the way home talking about when his foreign exchange student girlfriend left how we were going to start dating. It didn't matter that he was in love with her, I loved him anyways.
After Gregg graduated high school, I still had a year left. He stuck around town for a while, we would hang out, laugh, have a good time, and be generally terrible teenagers. Then one day he just disappeared. I moved on with my life, but always thought about My Superman. (That was my nickname for him.)
We found each other again in 2004 and quickly decided that we were meant to be together. We started planning a future together for when he got out of the Navy. He would call me every night, and most mornings and we would talk. In the evenings we would talk for hours on end, sometimes until the early morning sun was peeking thru the trees on my coast, which left him with just a few hours sleep before he needed to be back on base at Camp Pendleton. He was slowly losing grip of reality. PTSD was stripping away the man that I loved so very much. In early 2005 he decided that it wasn't fair to me and the kiddos to make us go thru everything that was happening to him with the PTSD and broke things off. It (PTSD) didn't matter tho, because I loved him anyways.
A couple of years ago, we found each other yet again, but this time on MySpace. He was too hurt to talk to me for a very long time. He knew he had broken my heart yet again, and he was in a relationship. He didn't want to bring up all the old memories and feelings from our past. It hurt too much to think about. We finally talked about everything. I told him that while I would ALWAYS love him, I had grown to love what we had and not yearn for it like I used to. We talked more and more, and then again, he was gone without notice, until we find each other again on Facebook.
This time it's different tho. This time we don't talk as much. We don't have that same connection that we did. He's more fragile but yet tougher. It's hard to explain. We exchange a few words here and there. Some heys, how are yas, glad to see yas, but nothing super life changing.

Today was a hard day for me after Bryce and I talked. After I decided to go to Greggs Facebook page to drop a little hey how are ya. I notice that he'd posted new pictures. One of which said "Now I must say good-bye" and the first thought to my mind was "Oh no! Not again!" I started reading more of his posts. My Gregg, my Superman, the man that had my heart for nearly 10 years had passed away. From what I was told, he died of a heart attack. Gregg would have been 32 years old 04Nov. I've cried almost non stop since I found out. I cried thru making dinner, thru trying to actually eat dinner (which didn't go so well), thru calling some of our old friends to make sure that they knew, thru welcoming my husband home... and now here I sit at almost 11:30pm. I can't sleep. When I close my eyes, I see his face. I hear his voice "Lets lose some el-bees today!" What am I supposed to do? I don't know why this is hitting me so hard. I don't know why I'm just not saying "Wow! He was only 31. That sucks!" and letting it not effect me like it has. Why can't I just lay my head down and go to sleep? Why does it feel like a tiny part of my heart died today when I found out? Why can't I just find solace in the fact that he will never have terrible nightmares of war again? That he will never feel claustrophobic in large crowds any more? That he's finally at peace and doesn't hurt the way he used to? Maybe because he never has another chance to do any of those things any more?

Oh bother...

So, the last couple days I've been in an Eeyore mood. I've been in my "dark place" as I used to refer to it. I guess I just feel down on myself. I recently found out some things that really showed me how deep and dark the hole that I've climbed out of really is. You know, that proverbial hole in the road of life. Yeah, mine was pretty darn deep. I spent the better part of 3 years trying to climb out of it.

Back in the day, I wasn't a good person. I was a master manipulator, partly learned, partly instinct, and partly necessity. I manipulated those around me to get what I needed or wanted with as little work as possible. I would use people for what I wanted and when resources had gone dry there, I would move on. I started my decent into my pit long before I started manipulating those around me tho. My decent started right about the time I found out that my (then)husband was cheating on me. He was a truck driver and was gone more often than home. One time he came home with one of his trainees, a young-ish girl, mid 20's, pretty thing. I knew that he trained female drivers and had not had a problem with them before. Even inviting them to come have dinner with our family at our apartment. They were usually older ladies. I loved talking with them. One of his trainees actually went to school with Garth Brooks! How awesome it was to hear her tell stories of what my favorite singer was like in high school! Well, one time he brought this young girl home and had forgotten something in his truck and asked (told) me if I would get it. Me, being about 93846759283645987 months pregnant with our 2nd child, crawled up in the cab, crawled over the seat, opened the curtain to the sleeper and was met by a bare bum. I quickly grabbed the forgotten item and exited the cab and proceeded to tell him that there was a naked girl in his bed. He didn't see what the big deal was and of course I threw a fit! *I* didn't even get to sleep naked in his truck, how is it that some other woman could, and in his bed none the less? It wasn't until later that evening, when he invited her to have dinner with us, that I realized that something wasn't right. It was the coy glances and stolen looks. The twinkle in her eye and the way that she laughed at his un-funny jokes and touched his knee. The way that he leaned into her when they talked while sitting on the couch. While I do have blonde hair, I'm not an idiot. That was the beginning of my decent into my own personal hell.

I can honestly say that when I look back at the person I was, it makes me want to cry. I did so many things that were so unlike the caring, compassionate person that I know that I am. I hurt so many people that I love(d). I did many many horrible things to people that I cared about so very much. I lost 4 years of my kids lives because of the guilt, shame, manipulation, and immaturity that plagued me. I lost the person that I was in that pit.  It was like I was so close to hell that the devil himself came and stole me. I was just like Eeyores tail. Lost.

I started pulling myself out of the hole. I got a job. I got an apartment. I got a cell phone. I was making great progress! Then I had a small set-back. I met Sam. Not that Sam was in any way bad, he just set me back a step. I started thinking things like "Oh, well, if Sam's going to take me out to dinner, I can spend more money on THIS item!" and buy a new top or jeans at Old Navy. Then we bought cars together and things started to get serious, so I really had to buckle down. I was even more determined to get my life straight and be someone.

I think it all boils down to me wanting to make my Mom proud of me. I guess I just don't feel like I've done anything that she CAN be proud of, other than get my life back on track. How terrible is it that I feel like I've done nothing that my Mom can be proud of me for? My brother has his certification in HVAC. One of my sisters is a nurse. The other one is a truck driver. What am I? A housewife. A poor one at that! It doesn't seem to matter what I say or do, we're always broke. I tell Sam that we're not going to buy anything and he buys things anyways. He tells me to stop him, and when I try he gets angry at me because he works for the money and feels like he should be able to spend it how he wants. Mom has been poor, and still had 4 kids to take care of. She got (what would become) a  fantastic job, went to night school got her GED, graduated college, all while working a full time job. Granted part of that time it was only me and my brother and then just me, but, she did it! If I were her mom I would be so proud! But me, I've not done anything like that. I've bucked the system at every turn!

The other problem is, I'm comfortable being a housewife. I have no ambitions to be at the top of some corporate ladder, to have people that are "under" me, to graduate Cum Laude from some fancy school, or even an unfancy one. I have no silly notions that I can follow in my Moms footsteps because I know I can't. My Mom is super smart. I'm lucky to be able to add without using my fingers. My daughter takes after my Mom. She's so smart! My son takes after me, but he has great ambition, which makes up for his lack of genius. I'm working with him to try and get his reading better. It's a slow process. Growing up I never wanted to be anything other than a horse trainer. Everything I did revolved around my horses. I ate, breathed, and slept horses. Even my bedroom was set up with a western theme and my ribbons and trophies were all around my room. I gave all of that up when I got married to my ex-husband, and I still have no idea where any of my old ribbons and trophies are.

I guess, just like Eeyore, I'm going to have to find my tail. I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to do that. I don't even know if I know what my tail is any more. I don't know what makes me happy any more. I don't know how to make my Mom proud of me, or if I ever have, but I know that someday it's got to happen. I need to validate my existence somehow, mostly to myself.  

Sick Lil Bug

So, on Thursday I woke up to Bug throwing up. She got sick a few times, rolling around, writhing in pain. "Mom! I don't feel good! My tummy hurts! I feel like I'm going to throw up!" I did a lot of hair stroking and holding until she fell asleep. At that point in time she had a tiny spot on her cheek. Nothing to really worry about, it was just a small red spot on her cheek. I thought it was something from her getting sick. She took a nap for about an hour and a half and I noticed the spot was getting bigger. I was trying to look at it without waking her up, unsuccessfully. She started complaining that it itched, so I put some calamine lotion on her face and then she started crying, saying that it burned and she wanted it off. During that time, the rash was spreading more. A trip to the doctors office was in order. We get to the office and they're closed for lunch, so, we went to get some ourselves. When we came back we were seen right away. Our favorite Doctor was on duty, he also reminds me of Dr. Burke from Season 1 of Greys Anatomy as well. He thought that she was having some sort of allergic reaction. She had a shot of cortisone and a script. He said that if she wasn't dramatically better by Saturday, that he wanted to see her back on Saturday. With that I made an appointment for my physical, grabbed Bugs scripts and headed to the pharmacy. For the remainder of the day, I dealt with "Mom it itcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssss!!" and trying to keep cool compresses on it because the Calamine lotion just made her face burn. The more time passed, the more that the rash spread. It was just a small spot on her face, and then it was almost her entire face, then it started to spread to her neck, arms, trunk, and legs.

The next day, Friday, it was MUCH worse, and so I took her back to the doctors office. That Dr wanted to give her a shot of Augmentin, and she's allergic to Penicillin!! So, needless to say, I didn't trust anything that he had to say, and decided that I was going to take the nurses advice, and go to the Emergency Room. While sitting there, she developed a spontaneous nose bleed, and it was bad! We finally get in and from there we wait for about 4 hours for the Doctor to come in and see us. I'm not blaming the Doctor for not being able to see us faster, but, if the hospital had more Doctors in the ER, we might not have had to wait that long. I know that it wasn't a true emergency, but, she was listed as a level 3 emergency, not a 4! I could only imagine how long we would have waited if she was a 4! (For those that don't know, Emergency rooms have "levels" and depending on the Emergency room, you might have to go somewhere else! A level 1 emergency is pretty much you're hanging on to life by a thread, and a level 4 is them saying "You should have went to a regular doctor.") The Doctor did give us a script for a medication that would help her stop itching, and it worked better than just regular Benadryl. We figured out that it works better than Benadryl because she would fall asleep about 30-40 minutes after she took it! How's that for itch relief?!

Saturday began at 6AM with Bug waking me up (she slept with us) saying "I have a headache, and I'm really itchy!" and she woke up with the entire side of her face being swollen and puffy! Alrighty! She's going to see the Dr again with me. I get up and get ready to go about 8:45, pulling Bug out of bed. I asked her if she wanted to put on some clothes and she said no. So, off to the Doctors office we go, with her in her jammies and unbrushed hair. (She has a very sensitive head and all the writhing in pain had left her with a knot in her hair that took me 25 minutes to brush out) Our favorite Dr was there again, and he was very concerned about Bug. He ordered some blood tests for her (and for me to check my cholesterol) to see if anything would show up in her blood. When we got to the hospital (again) for our blood tests, Bug decided that she had to pee, so, I let her, not thinking about the urine sample that they might need! (They did need one) From there we had to bribe her with "hospital dollars" and cake to let the nurse take her blood. She watched the Phlebotimist draw my blood, and of course she had trouble finding the vein, so it was a lot of hunting and rooting around in my arm with the needle! Then it was her turn. She did a fantastic job! Then, "Here's a cup, we need a sample" YIKES! It took an hour to get the urine sample. After we came home, we had lunch and took meds. It was a good thing, because she was starting to get itchy again. We watched some "old skool" cartoons (Aahh!!! Real Monsters, Rocko's Modern Life, and Rugrats... ahhh the memories!) for a while, and then a movie. Bug started getting itchy again around 6:15, which was time for her meds again anyways. She started saying that her head hurt, and so we went to go lay down in our bedroom. I had a massive headache as well, so we finally fell asleep around 7, and woke up this morning around 8. What a weekend!

Today, we're making a banner for my best friends husband! He will be home late Monday night and she's decorating their home fence like you see all the fence in front of Camp LeJeune decorated. We're all making one to say "Welcome Home!" I'm so glad that we're making these. I know some people that won't be able to make these. It breaks my heart. I think that we'll make a big one, and paint "Welcome home!" And then all put our hand prints on it, and sign it as well. I think that's all for today. I'm going to go into the office tomorrow and hopefully have some test results for Bug!

Day 11: A photo of you taken recently

So, I recently got my hair cut. I've had long hair for years. I think the last time my hair was any shorter than my shoulders was when I was a Senior in high school. I had VERY long hair before that. My sister had been doing my hair since I was pretty young. I think I was about 8 when my sister started doing my hair. I can honestly say that from the time I was about 8, until the time I was 17, my sister was the only person that touched my hair with scissors, or did pretty much anything with my hair. I was happy with letting it air dry and throw it in a pony tail.  My mom and I went to the mall to have a hair cut. I wanted to get my hair trimmed because I had Senior pictures coming up. The stylist pretty much badgered me into getting the new trendy "Rachel" cut (You know... from Friends. It was just a couple years old at that point in time.) I was very hesitant about it. I didn't really want to cut my hair so close to Senior pictures. She assured me that everything would be fine, that my hair would look fanTASTIC! Well, it didn't. It looked terrible. I hated it. She cut the sides too short to even be CONSIDERED a Rachel cut! She should have never even suggested the cut to me in the first place. My hair is WAY too thick, and WAY too wavy/curly for it! Since then, I've been VERY selective about who I go to for a hair cut. If it was feasible for me to drive to my sisters house just to have my hair cut, I would. She only lives about 10 hours from here. Because of the horrible experience of that terrible hair cut, I very rarely get my hair cut.  For my birthday, Sam took me, Monkey, and Bug to go get our hair cut. This is what I got.

Day 5: Your favorite quote

Hmm.. I think that my favorite quote for life would have to be:

"Well behaved women seldom make history." Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

I don't know why it's my favorite, other than I used to cause a lot of trouble when I was younger. I know that's not exactly what it means, but, that's still my take on it.

I can honestly say that when I was younger, I was quite the trouble maker. I just never actually got *caught*! My Mom always knew though. She always knew that I had done something I shouldn't have done, and somehow she would make me feel bad about doing it, without every saying a word. Maybe it was just my subconscious doing it for her. How about that? Never even knowing that your kid has done something that might be illegal in several states, and they punish themselves for it?! LOL

Also, today is my 30th birthday. Shocking, I know! I want to thank my Momma for always being there for me, no matter how old I was, no matter how much you wanted to smack me in the head with a frying pan, and no matter how many HORRIBLE choices I made. If it wasn't for my wonderfully sweet Momma, I wouldn't be here, nor be the person I am today. I also want to thank my Step-dad Kevin. He's been a very positive influence in my life since I was about 17 years old. I know he's had a few times when he just wanted to pop me, but, he always tried to give me the benefit of the doubt. My sisters Angie and Kris, what would I do without you guys? And Jamey, well, I wouldn't have been as well looked after as I was in high school if it wasn't for Jamey! My wonderful hubby, Sam, for always loving me, no matter how grumpy, cross, or bitchy I get. And my fantastic children, who never cease to amaze me at how much of a kid I can still be at my "old age" and how much things have changed since I was their age.

Day 4: Your favorite book

My favorite book. Wow.. I've never thought about my favorite book. I look around my house, and I see books everywhere. Kids books, adult books, dog books, dictionaries, military books, borrowed books, books to give away, books to keep, spiral bound books, hard cover books, soft cover books, books on tape!
I grew up with a mom that read all the time. I think some of my earliest memories involve my mom, sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and a cigarette, and her book.  When I was 14, my mom quit smoking (about the time I *started* smoking) and so from then on it was just the coffee and the book at the kitchen table! My mom instilled a deep love for reading in me, which I HOPE that I can instill in my children. (Worked for Bug, Monkey, not so much!)

I think my favorite book for this past week would actually not be a book at all, it's a pamphlet that I picked up from my doctors office quite a while back. It's about what happens to your body when you quit smoking. Seven days ago today, I quit smoking. Actually, I had my last smoke around 5pm, but, yano! I am halfway to increasing my circulation today! I  feel a whole lot better physically! Now I just need to "relearn" how to calm myself from an agitated state without smoking. I don't think I ever really learned how to do this without the aid of smoking, so, my poor husband gets to endure me learning! All I can say is it's a good thing that he loves me! Here is a poster of basically what my pamphlet says, but much cooler!

Day 2: Your favorite movie

Well, I will spare you the long post like yesterday. Todays' post will be right on target!

Way back when, we lived in a small town, where it was safe to actually let your kids play outside unattended, let them roam around and never have to worry about much of anything. If you got in trouble in the town that I grew up in, chances are, your parents already knew it before you got home anyways. In our small town, we had all the great things there are to have in a town, without having a large corporate company in there. We had a grocery store (IGA), a gas station, flower shop, pharmacy, couple banks, a couple of ice cream places, tho one was only open a few years at a time, restaurant, and a video store, so on and so forth. Now, all of these were locally owned places, save the IGA and the gas station, tho the owners of both of them lived in town, but there were "corps" behind their stores.
When I was a teenager, about 15, and this movie came out that was just the bees' knees for me! It was rude, crude, and all about girl power! My best friend Amy and I rented this movie so many times, I'm sure my mom was leery of sending me to the video store to get movies. (I'm sure Mom and Amy know EXACTLY which movie I'm talking about... LOL)

My favorite movie of all time is.... 
Tank Girl!! Lori Petty in this movie is amazing!! I can't give you an exact reason why I like it so much, I just think it's a hysterical movie! C'mon! She falls in love with a half human half kangaroos! It's just an awesome movie. I've had many many people buy this movie and find it as hilarious as I do. It's worth a watch. Even if you have to find it on NetFlix or some other obscure off the wall way. It's worth it... really!

Diet and Exercise

So, yesterday I started a new diet and exercise regime. Frankly, I was petrified to stand on the scales because I knew I weighed almost 200 pounds. I was always skinny when I was younger, and ate pretty much whatever I wanted, and a LOT of it! I remember my older sister coming in the door one day to me eating my after school snack, an entire pizza, and her telling me: "Some day, you're gonna get fat because you eat so much!" I told her that I would never get fat! After my first child I bounced back to within 5 pounds of pre-baby weight in a couple of weeks! By my 3rd child, I weighed right at 200 pounds at 9 months pregnant and quickly lost about 30 pounds. I was 165, and I was pretty happy about it. I didn't really care who thought I was fat, or if I was! Flash forward almost 7 years, and I have yo-yo'd between 165 down to 130 and back up to 195, which was my weight yesterday. So! I popped in my Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred workout video, and 20 minutes later, lay on the floor wishing that every muscle in my body would quit trembling! It may only be 20 minutes, but she REALLY kicks your ass!! This morning I felt pretty good laying in bed, but when I got out I felt like my legs were jello! I went ahead and worked out again today, and it felt pretty good. I'm still really sore, but I imagine in a few days it will feel much better!! Here's to getting healthy and in shape!

I can't find the remote!

So, for the past 2 days, I have been looking for the television remote, so I can change the channel. I know what you're thinking, just walk up and change the channel on the TV! Not that easy my friend, and I'll explain why.

Usually it's not that big of a deal! We don't have cable, but we do have a converter box, but the converter box only picks up one station, so we rarely watch TV any more. I do like to occasionally watch the news, but every Sunday I HAVE to would really like to watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Tho, it does seem like every time I watch it, I am overcome with happiness and I have Houdini tears. Well, since we only have one channel on TV, most of the time we play games on the Wii, which requires that we have it on a component channel. So, the TV is happily sitting on Component 2 (for the Wii) until I decided yesterday that I would really like to watch the tail end of GMA and catch The Ellen Show. I really like the Ellen show! She is always giving stuff away, helping people, trying to be a better person in this world of cut-throats and heart breakers. Well, here comes my dilemma, I can't find the remote, and the only way to change it from a component channel back to a regular channel is to press a button on the remote, which I can't find.  I have looked everywhere that I could think that a TV remote should be. In the couch, under the couch, in the dogs bed (She likes to carry random stuff to it, just to have it there), in the kids rooms, our room. Can't find it! I guess I'm going to have to get down on my hands and knees with a fine tooth comb and search for it.

Bug had Girl Scouts last night. I used to have alot of fun in Girl Scouts when I was younger. Got to send my cookie sheet to work with mom, who always got alot of orders for me. We would go to camp, sit around the fire and tell scary stories and roast marshmallows. Then there were the occasional times where we would steal the troop leaders underwear and sneak out and run them up the flag pole where everyone met in the morning for morning meeting and she would get back at us by hanging all of our bras, panties and socks from holes in the ceiling. (We usually stayed in the old time hand made log cabin.) Thinking back on trekking to  the middle of the camp wasn't all that good of an idea for a small group of young girls (think, all less than 13) to go walking thru the woods, in the middle of the night, all alone, with nothing but the moonlight to guide us. Don't get me wrong! I always had a BLAST doing it, and then watching our troop leader have to sing God Bless My Underwear to get them back, but that was a very reckless thing that we did. We were out in the middle of the woods, alone! What if something would have happened to us? Nobody would have been there to help us. Well, I guess that's just something that you don't think about when you're young and invincible!

Well, I think it's back to the hunt for the elusive TV remote. That, and I have more laundry, more dishes, and more house cleaning to do! I'm not sure what I'm going to make for dinner tonight. It's getting close to pay day, so, we're getting down to the bare bones in the kitchen! Maybe I will make some potato soup, or some chicken soup. Fresh, homemade chicken soup sounds rather good actually! It's supposed to be a chilly day today. I hope that I have all the stuff to make it!